Cancer Fund Raising and Donations – An Event Severely Lacking in Common Sense

Mar 17, 2009 by

Cancer Fund Raising and Donations – An Event Severely Lacking in Common Sense

Smoking For A Cure!

I suppose if they can BBQ red meat and call it “Cooking For A Cure,” then we can call anything an activity for a cure, right? So I’ve come up with some new events that we’ll be hosting in 2009, just to raise yet more money for cancer research. Please join us at one or more of these events:

Smoking For A Cure – In this event, we’ll sell pink-ribbon cigarettes sold in little pink boxes, with all proceeds to go towards searching for a cure for lung cancer. The American Cancer Society will, of course, be invited to attend and participate.

Chemicals For A Cure – This event features an impressive lineup of toxic personal care products and cosmetics that will be raffled away in a massive fundraiser designed to raise money to be spent on irradiation women‘s breasts with poorly-calibrated mammography machines.

Kill Yourself For A Cure – Here’s my favorite: Top cancer industry doctors, oncologists and non-profit directors will be invited to publicly kill themselves by swallowing fatal doses of chemotherapy drugs that are routinely prescribed to cancer patients. Proceeds from the event will be used to research yet more toxic chemotherapy drugs that are right now killing patients everywhere!

Hot dogs and diet soda will be served at all events, and free sunscreen will be handed out to make sure everybody remains vitamin D deficient (which is, of course, crucial for growing more cancer tumors). Vitamin C is banned at the event, as are all natural substances such as green tea, rainforest herbs and broccoli.

We are hoping to hold these events in Navarro County, Texas, where participation will likely be the highest. Unless, of course, the people have already keeled over from colon cancer following the BBQ fundraising event…

I hope you’ll join us at one of these events as we support the cancer industry by keeping everybody sick and diseased.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This article is satire, but the “Cooking For A Cure” event is real! The rest of this story, however, is satirical commentary designed to make a point: That people in the conventional cancer industry are stupid beyond belief and will apparently engage in anything (including cancer-causing activities) as an excuse to raise more money for their pointless cancer “research.”

You want cures for cancer? Eat plants, not meats. Get sunlight, superfoods, exercise and laughter. Avoid all processed foods and man-made, synthetic chemicals in EVERYTHING (food, medicine, personal care products, cleaning products, etc.). That’s the answer right there. The cancer industry will never find it, either, because they’re not looking for real answers.

You might also want to avoid Navarro County, Texas, just to be safe.

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